I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize