i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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