what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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