you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
