fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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