4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
