she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
