My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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