there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize