So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
