I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
