Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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