Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
