Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize