im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
