Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
