HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
