She's JV to your varsity
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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