Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
