Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize