some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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