omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
