if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Who died my cat blue again?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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