Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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