I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
