Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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