yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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