WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
