My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
