hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
