Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
