she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My penis needs a shock collar
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
