It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
