remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
