i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
