I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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