She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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