East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
how does that bad decision feel?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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