That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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