I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
