remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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