I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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