oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
