I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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