I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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