we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
