Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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