I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
