You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
