Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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