ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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