thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
