This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize