I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
