He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I am available for nakedness
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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