I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
