The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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