Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
