Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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