Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
