Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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