I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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