There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
