He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
