I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize