i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
