I wish I only lived at night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
