There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize