She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
