dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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