Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he fucked my hip out of place.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
