remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
