xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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