i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
