someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
