you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have demons in me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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