shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
