NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
