He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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