I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
