the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
