There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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