I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
