And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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