you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
