It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
