That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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