You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
