We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
