your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
