I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
