She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
