Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
