dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
