Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we have pet lesbian snakes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
