Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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