My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
that may or may not have been my penis.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
