my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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