I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
