tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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