i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
