I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
high people should be assigned attendants
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
