We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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