Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
kristin has been a bad kristin
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
