she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
