I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
